When The Unthinkable Happens

Miscarriage sadly occurs to many women and it can be debilitating, shocking and painful. How you approach your journey can deeply affect the outcome of your miscarriage recovery.

It is normal to feel pain and loss and a very important step back to a normal life. Acknowledging how tough it is to see babies and pregnant women in the street is a good first step. Let yourself feel the ‘why me' emotions and face them head on. Pretending they are not there can leave you mentally exhausted as you struggle through a mine field of daily reminders.

Partners can be just as affected even if they show it differently. Invite them to talk about how they are feeling, with you or a trusted friend. Support is paramount to you both and can be beneficial in releasing all those emotions you have inside you.

So where do you go from here? There are no hard rules for dealing with grief. Your miscarriage recovery begins with you being kind to yourself and taking each day as it comes. Learn to give yourself a break and not to expect too much in terms of how long recovery will take.

Focus on the importance of grieving for as long as you need to, this cannot be rushed. Remember you and your partner have suffered an ordeal that may take many months to recover from.


Additional Disappointment

When People Don't Know How To Deal With Your Grief

Sometimes in a crisis it can be disappointing to discover that some people can have limited capacity to offer support. Instead of rallying to support you and your partner they usually don’t know what to say. They find it too confronting to face you and tend to retreat when you need them most.
These people can be family members, close friends or colleagues, whom you may have expected more from. It is important not to allow their reaction add to your grief. If you dwell on this additional disappointment, it can add to your suffering and take longer to heal.
It can be hard not to take it personally, but sometimes people just don’t know how to deal with feelings and emotions, or may have limited life experience to draw from. Others think it’s kinder not to bring up the painful event, or may not know how to broach the subject. They may still feel empathy for you, but don’t know how to show it or express it.
Accept this is who they are, as hard as it may be and focus on the compassionate people who come forward to support you. It can be surprising who offers you comfort when you and your partner are struggling.   
Worth Remembering...
  • The kindness of kindred souls who offer a shoulder, a hug or a cup of tea and a chat, can outweigh the disappointment of those who may be lacking in this quality.

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